View Full Version : Germ theory!

Brian Carter
October 26th, 2010, 04:53 AM
Sometimes I come across things which are pretty cool--this is one of them.

Germ Theory Bible Studies 101

- Conflicting Scientific data:

- Genesis 12:17:
And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife.

- Exodus 15:26:
And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.

- Leviticus 26:16:
I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.

- Deuteronomy 28:61:
Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

- 2 Samuel 24:15-16:
So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men.
And when the angel stretched out his hand upon Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD repented him of the evil, and said to the angel that destroyed the people, It is enough: stay now thine hand. And the angel of the LORD was by the threshingplace of Araunah the Jebus

Germ theories proposes tiny creatures, called bacteria, as an explanation for diseases. Of course, every True Christian™ knows that this is ridiculous, as diseases are a punishment of God, and a direct correlation exists between sin and disease.
For example, God’s latest invention, designed primarily to punish sodomites, is AIDS. Secular scientists believe in the “HIV-virus,” which would cause this disease, and insult God by trying to find a cure. Of course, the only reliable way of curing diseases is prayer.
If God uses an intermediate, it is an angel, not a germ, according to the last Passage.

- What Satan does to fool people into believing this nonsense:

- His favorite technique consists of crawling into a microscope sample and making weird faces at scientists looking through it, who then interpret that as the existence of micro-organisms.
- In his hellish laboratory, he brewed a substance we now know as penicillin, specifically designed to fight the diseases God afflicts people with, and convince people of the existence of germs.

October 26th, 2010, 02:43 PM
Dear god -- where did you find that?!? :D